Pants 0. Shit 1.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
