just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
