I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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