I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
