i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
