I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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