You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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