Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
