Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.