So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE