Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>