Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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