she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize