ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
