Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
