we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My feet surprised me
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