dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize