1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
