was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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