why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
