Can Purell be used as lube?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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