Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
