I accidentally burped into my bong.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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