you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
