I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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