just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
