It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
