Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize