I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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