i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
