I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
