My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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