i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
