not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
