I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
