Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
