i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
