One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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