Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im six kinds of drunk right now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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