whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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