make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
