Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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