But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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