I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
