What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
