thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
