im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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