okay pat passed out under dana's car
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
