Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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