Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
