They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize