omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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