I CAN MOONWALK!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
