Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
