Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
