so explain again why im purple
no
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
