the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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