I'm gonna have a badass scar
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
