You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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