She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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