Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
